Age 24 1989

Promotion to 1LT

This post and the next post have been the most difficult as I had to retype two documents. Both documents were originally written over twenty-five years ago. They are poorly written and by the pdf link for this post Age 24 1989.pdf you can see that they were written on a Macintosh Plus and printed on an Apple ImageWriter II dot matrix printer.

You will also notice that they are written in the third person as I thought that would help me detach and better understand what I was writing. You will see that they are a different view point from the story told in Turning Point. These were written at the time I was a fully committed Christian and reflect my thinking a the time. I have tried to keep the bad grammar and spelling in so that it accurately reflects document as first written. This first post was written two years before the first Persian Gulf War.

All of the familiar words and feelings came back to Mark again, he done the one thing that he hated, despised, and loved all simultaneously. The anger, hate, self-loathing, confusion, sorrow, guilt and the pain. Only one thing could bring these feelings on and Mark knew all to well he could not undo what he had done. At times the guilt and shame grew to much and Mark had considered suicide more than once because that seems the only answer for his problem. Mark’s life had not always been this depressing. A long time ago Mark had other plans for how his life should have developed and now at the age of 24, he has seen most of his plans and dreams shattered. 

Mark grew up in a Christian home in the small town in Colorado called Monte Vista. His life seemed to [be] bless[ed] by God Himself. In fact Mark became a Christian at the age of 11, and his Jr. High and High School years were All-American. Mark was not only a straight A student but he was also gifted athletically, and in the area of leadership. He received varsity letters in three sports, three in football, three in basketball, and four in track. He played in State playoffs in basketball and football and appeared in the State track meet his sophomore and senior years. His senior year at state he not only finished 8th in the 800m in only his fifth time at that distance but he was the lead off man for the State Champion Mile Relay team. 

His accomplishments went beyond the athletic fields. He graduated first in his class. He was the editor-in-chief for the school newspaper his Junior and Senior year and also the yearbook his senior year. Boy’s State representative for the school his junior year. National Honor Society, Junior class president, Student Council representative and to top it all off he won First and Second place in photography in [a] large student art show. The pictures were of the Junior Class play that Mark had to take pictures of [,] because he was also a school photographer. Up to this point Mark had truly lived a blessed life and he felt close [to] the God as he approached a new challenge that his life has brought for him. 

With all of the success that Mark had in High School he ad a relatively easy chance of going to the college of his choice. He then selected a college this is considered the toughest to get into, the United States Military Academy at West Point. The leadership, athletic, and academic success he had in school helped to get accepted and later to graduate and be commissioned as an officer in the United States Army. Mark has continued his blessed life in the Army when you consider what he has accomplished as a junior officer. The first job he had in the Army was as a scout platoon leader. in a regular battalion, Armor or Infantry the scout platoon leader is considered the best 1LT (First Lieutenant) in the unit. In Mark’s case he was in a Cavalry Squadron so there more than one scout platoon but normally you started out as a tank platoon leader and “work you[r] way up”. Mark was so successful as a scout platoon leader that after only one year you moved to be the support platoon leader for the Squadron. In a Cavalry Squadron the best 1LT is slotted in the support platoon because it is the only speciality platoon in the squadron and because he is responsible for the food, fuel and bullets for the squadron. The support platoon leader was normally a troop (company) XO (Executive Officer - second in command) before so that he had an understanding of the logistics side of the Army. Mark had now jumped over two jobs on his way up to what some considered the most important LT in the unit and he was only a 2LT (Second Lieutenant) at the time. Many people respected him and most of his soldiers looked up to him. 

By most people’s standards Mark had lived a fairly successful life and many people had told he [him] that they admired how he had his life together. What they did not know is that the one thing that Mark feared, loathed, and loved simultaneously, was that Mark is a homosexual. The reason he had those feelings at the beginning is he had just been with another man and just had sex with him. He does not understand why he had those feelings nor why he does the things he does. Being a homosexual goes against everything that Mark has held important. The  Bible rejects the lifestyle as ungodly, the military prosecutes homosexuals, and society and psychiatrist claim there is now way to change. After High School Mark had a plan for how expected his life to go. He plan(ned) to making the Army a career, getting married and having children and living a Christian life. All his plans are in jeopardy. If it were to come out that Mark is a homosexual his reputation in the Christian circles would quickly erode and friends would want to get out of his life. The Army would more than likely prosecute since most of his career having been in Germany and most of his contacts with fellow homosexuals have been fellow soldiers. 

Mark has not given up that change can occur. He truly believes in the life changing ability of a man named Jesus Christ.