End of a Dream
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| Persian Gulf War |
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| Driving a tractor during potato harvest after discharge |
You will also notice that they are written in the third person as I thought that would help me detach and better understand what I was writing. You will see that this is an especially different view point from the story told in Ask and Tell book from the Turning Point. These were written at the time I was a fully committed Christian and reflect my thinking a the time. I have tried to keep the bad grammar and spelling in so that it accurately reflects document as first written. This second post was written during a severe depression where I basically lived for 6 months in an apartment in Denver, Colorado which I rarely left.
On 26 July 1991 saw an end of a dream that Mark Landes held onto for eight years. On this day Mark received the news that is resignation in leu of separation was accepted and he was to be discharged with an Other Than Honorable discharge from the US Army. The basis for the discharge was immoral behavior and conduct unbecoming an officer. The story behind the end of the dream started many months before.
To start the story one would have to go back to November 1990, Mark’s unit has just deployed to the Hoenfels training area to begin their commitment as the Opposing Forces for OPFOR. The day that the unit arrives the United States Army Europe announces the temporary freeze of all permanent changes of station because several units from USAEUR are moving to join Operation Desert Shield in Saudi Arabia. Also Europe was the main source of replacements should a war start in the Middle East.
Mark had been preparing to return to the United States so that he could attend the Armor Officer’s Advance Course starting in January of 1991. He was to leave the middle of December and return home in time to celebrate Christmas with his family in Colorado. He then planned to visit a young woman he had met in Switzerland and spend some time with your in Washington before going (to) Ft. Knox, Kentucky for the Advanced Course. The freeze in effect stopped Mark’s plan and started him on a hard and long road.
Mark’s unit was not one of the units chosen to join the growing number of forces in Saudi Arabia, but members of the unit were being select(ed) to fill vacancies in the other units that were on their way. When four slots were announced for armor lieutenants(,) Mark volunteered to go. He was not chosen at the time, but when a slot for armor captain became open he again volunteered. This time he was chosen and three days later he was attached to the Third Brigade, 3rd Armored Division. Some people wondered why Mark would volunteer to go to what would seemed to be shortly a war zone. There were two reasons that he volunteered. The first was that in August when the first troops were being sent over Mark’s best friend was sent there with the 82nd Airborne Division. Mark felt guilty about being safe while his friend was in danger. The second reason may have been to Mark the most important and now under the circumstances the least understood reason.
Earlier in February of 90’ Mark had received God’s call on his life to go full time into Christian ministry and more specifically ministry to the military. When it came time to volunteer the first time, he had spent time in prayer asking God for direction. Mark believed that God’s plan was for him to go to Saudi so that he could better minister to the soldiers. Mark looked forward to the opportunity to be an ambassador of Christ to the needy soldiers about tot face the possibility of war and maybe death. By going through this experience, Mark hoped to have a better witness to the power of Christ and better understanding of the fear going into combat.
Mark’s witness leading up (to) the start of the ground campaign was limited to just living a Christian lifestyle and talking to fellow Christians in the unit. After the war (started), Mark was able to get a Bible Study started. God blessed the study as more and more people became interested. Mark found tremendous support and strength during this time. As the unit was forced to move around due to changes in missions, the Bible Study had trouble continuing as locations became difficult to find and work schedules changed. It was during on (one) of these times that an incident occurred that deeply effected and grievously changed his life.
One the moves brought the unit to a destroyed oil holding facility in Iraq. Several of the bunkers used to maintain the oil flow operations became the home of the soldiers of the 3rd Brigade Headquarters. Mark for the first time since before the war (ground campaign) (started) moved out of the HUMMV that he had slept in and moved into a room in one of the bunkers. He shared the room with three other officers and unit’s Aviation liaison officer’s driver. Mark became friends with the driver and shared some long talks with (the) driver. One day Mark was sitting in the room feeling depressed, when the driver came in and proceeded to try to cheer him up. Eventually the driver offered and mark accepted to go to the Post Exchange (PX) facility. The PX was not to open for another hour so they walked around the complex and explored. After exploring the area they sat to wait for the PX to open and then the driver was able to get Mark to tell him why Mark was depressed. The answer surprised the driver and embarrassed Mark.
For three months, Mark had been able to hold at bay a sin that had been plaguing him for four years. Now their friendship was making it difficult to control his desires. Mark told the driver that he was struggling with homosexuality and the reason he was depressed is because he was attracted to the driver. Mark knew nothing could or should happen and was trying to find the faith not give into this sin. The driver then left to go to the latrine and shortly came back and they went to the PX. Later that night Mark asked the driver if they could talk about what happen(ed). Mark apologized and they discussed how both felt. Then they talked for two more hours as Mark finally felt he found someone he could talk to(o) about this sin. When the(y) parted Mark felt he had won a friend and the driver promised he would not discuss this with anyone.
Over a month went by, and Mark continued to do his job of maintaining the communication to and from Brigade Headquarters to the Division Headquarters. One day the Brigade Executive Officer (XO), stopped Mark to talk to him. He told Mark that the driver had turned in Mark for Making a homosexual advance toward him. Mark was to report to the Criminal Investigation Division (CID) office for questioning. Mark spent the time waiting for his appointment with CID by talking to God and thinking about what he was going to say. He finally decided that he was tired of trying to hide his problem and thus try to seek help. He also did not want it to come down to his word against the driver, who was lower rank. He did not the driver to be considered a liar. He know that homosexuality is incompatible with the military and his Christianity. Those two reasons caused much mental anguish for him during his military career.
Mark went to CID without talking to a trial defense lawyer and it proved to be a major mistake. He went there only to admit his homosexuality. The CID agents promised Mark that if he revealed who had sex with while he was in Germany they the chain-of-command would look favorably upon and give a better discharge. With that promise in mind and much mental pressure, Mark admitted a lot more than he intended. Mark was charged with Sodomy, which is a punishable act according to military justice. It took one week before he was formally charged and another week until he got to talk to a trial defense lawyer. The Mark entered his resignation in leu of separation.
It took two months for the Department of the Army to accept his resignation and decide what discharge to give him. During that time hew as hospitalized for psychiatric care as he seriously considered suicide. Many people noticed that he had become a very bitter person. Mark realized that any plans that he had made were not going to happen. His role in the leadership in the body of Christ cannot be what it once was and nor can he accept a role until his sin problem has been resolved. He is now unemployed with unknown prospects and an unknown future.
Even though Mark is unemployed and his prospects seem dim he still has a strong desire to serve his God by teaching and disciplining people for the Kingdom. Even though Mark’s present situation looks grim there is great hope to be strived for. pro of that hope comes from the words of God the Father. Phil 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Also Eph. 3:20, “Now unto him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”.
(Many people fail to grasp the supernatural importance of these verses, but in keeping to context lets apply them directly to Mark’s situation.)
Mark had a dream. A dream to serve in full-time ministry. Sin entered Mark’s life and because of certain consequences, he feels that his dreams and life ambitions are shattered.
Not so! As in King David’s life(,) Mark is suffering the consequences for his actions. (An encouraging and true statement must be added, “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven”).
The hope in the two previous verses are; 1. Mark can overcome his bout with sin through Jesus Christ. 2. Mark may dream as high a dream as he possibly can; He can home to do the works of Billy Graham, or develop the character and witnessing lifestyle of Corrie Ten Boone. And guess what?!? God can exceed it in his life despite what has happened.
God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. One needs only (to) continually trust in him and allow his power to work within himself. Only, is a big word. Its big because its a lifelong process to learn to trust God in a continual way that allows him to more and more enable us to do his will.
A new road and a new dream. But only new because of a difference in viewpoint and a difference in approach.
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