September - Discharge, Training & 30th Class Reunion

Jeffery Voigt and Unofficial Best Beard
Class of 1987 30th Reunion
Photo courtesy of Jeffery Voigt

The month of September was a busy time for me so I was not able to post. I wanted to share what happened.  I found most of the documentation I needed to request my discharge be upgraded. I scanned in all of the documentation and sent it off to the Outserve/SLDN (Servicemembers Legal Defense Network) in hopes that they could help me. Included were the letters of recommendations from the Brigade Commander, Deputy Brigade Commander and Division Commander of the unit that I was attached too during the Persian Gulf War. It was after the fighting over that my discharge was initiated. 

I contacted the former Deputy Brigade Commander and asked him if he would be willing to update his recommendation from General to Honorable Discharge. He is now a retired 4-star General and it is my hope is that his recommendation would carry some weight with the review board. Gratefully he agreed and mailed his letter of recommendation to the review board. I am not sure when the review board will meet again so it might be awhile before I hear back. 

Celebrant Trainees - The Humanist Institute at
American Humanist Association HQ Washington D.C.
photo by Emily Newman

On September 23rd, I attended The Humanist Institute Celebrant Training at the American Humanist Association in Washington DC and I am glad I attended the training before I tried to become a Celebrant. There are a couple of reasons that I was glad and one of the reasons that kind of surprised me based upon my previous christian experience. 

The first reason that I am glad and was the major reason that I wanted to attend the course is that I really had no idea how to conduct a humanist celebration of any kind. There is some similarity to ceremonies I have attended but the ceremonies are far more focused on the individuals. Regardless of the ceremony be it a wedding, memorial, welcoming or coming of age ceremony the focus is to individualize the ceremony to the person/or the person involved. 

Celebrant Training - The Humanist Institute at
American Humanist Association HQ Washington D.C.
photo by Emily Newman

The second was to see that I was not alone in wanting to provide ceremonial services with non-religious content. There were 13 other participants at the event and it was taught by someone who has been providing this service in Minnesota for several years and is currently completely booked for the next three years. This also shows as that there is a real need for other celebrants. 

The third reason and the one that provided the surprise was this is a business. As opposed to a  christian priest, minister, or pastor depending upon the denomination who perform ceremonies outside of their normal preaching, a humanist celebrant has to build a practice and think of it as building a business. This involves networking, marketing, sales and customer service. If I get endorsed by The Humanist Society I will become a small business owner where my brand will be me. This creates, even more, work for me as I have to build a website, get business cards, and create buzz around Mark Landes - Humanist Celebrant. 

Later that week I sent in my application to become a Humanist Celebrant to The Humanist Society.  I received notification that they are contacting my references and will interview me after they finish interviewing my references. 

After the training, I was able to have dinner with one of my West Point company mates who came out as gay over ten years ago. Unfortunately, he was married with children and was still in the Army. This was back when Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) policy was still in effect. Even though he did not fight the divorce, his wife made it as difficult as possible. Back at West Point he was just as evangelical as I was and we ran in different circles but we both knew of each other’s faith. His wife was just as evangelical as both of us. Given the “christian” belief in the sanctity of the marriage vow and their teaching about homosexuality, it is understandable that his wife was upset and probably feeling betrayed. It does not explain her lack of empathy that is unfortunately common in the evangelical approach to homosexuality. 

This lack of empathy and lack of trying to understand what LGBTQ individuals face is one of the reasons I contacted my company mate again in August that set up this dinner. If felt like I had to apologize to him for not standing up for him at our 20th class reunion ten years ago when some of our company mates who were discussing his divorce and his coming out. Plus one of my former roommates that I unfortunately “lead to Christ”, read my story in the Ask and Tell book at my request. His condemnation and the condemnation of my other company mates of my fellow gay company mate is the main reason that I did not attend my 25th class reunion even though I am only a four-hour drive away from West Point. 

During homecoming football weekend each fall West Point host the 5th, 10th, 15th and 20th class reunions. After the 20th, the class determines and schedules their own reunion every five years. Previously I had attended every reunion prior to the twenty-fifth. It was hard emotionally for me to attend those reunions as I had felt like I had let down the Long Grey Line (all of the graduates of the United States Military Academy), my company mates and West Point itself. I had fully embraced the school motto and values of "Duty, Honor, and Country." So when I was given an Other Than Honorable Discharge, arrived back from Combat as a mental patient as I was a suicide risk, and was unable to even complete my 5-year commitment, I perceived myself as a complete failure. It was hard for me to even talk about what happened to me as I was afraid that I would be rejected by another aspect of my life that it was very important to me. It was not like I was an activist shouting that I was gay at the reunions but if someone asked me, I was honest but did not advertise that I was gay. For the majority of the of people who I told did not reject me until my 20th reunion.

30th Class Reunion Badge

All of this came to a head in August when I contacted my company mate. I wanted to know if he planned on attending our 30th class reunion scheduled for the end of September 2017. I wanted him to know if he planned on attending that I would be there for him this time. He had not attended any of our previous reunions and was reluctant to attend this one. As time went by he ran into another of our classmates in uniform in Washington D.C. and let me know that he was going to the reunion. Thus all of my excuses not to attend disappeared. 

I should break down the Corps of Cadets so that you understand how close cadets in the same company can become especially in the same class. The Corps is broken into four regiments of approximately 1000 cadets. The regiments are broken into three Brigades of three companies each. Each company has been 25 to 30 cadets per class. When I went to school after freshmen or plebe year our class was scrambled back into the Corps and were assigned to a new company where we would spend the next three years. Each class is assigned to share rooms with 2 to 4 cadets in the same room. Each of the two semesters the company was reorganized and new roommates were assigned So over the course of those three years you could share a room with between 6 to 24 of your classmates. Besides sharing rooms we also shared various trials, classes, and assignments for those three years. 

Company A2 - Alumni Review- Class of 1987 30th Reunion

This is one of the reasons that I attended each reunion in the hopes of reconnecting with some of the best people I have ever known. It is hard to express my estimation of my classmates. Besides being told that we were the best students, leaders, and athletes. Out of the 12,000+ applicants, only 11% were granted admission with an average SAT score in 1983 of 1,172 with 86% of us earning a Varsity letter in High School. We had all gone through the admission process that including attending congressional admission boards interviews, physicals and athletic aptitude tests. As a result, most of us had received a nomination from either a Senator or Representative. Others had received nominations from the President and Vice-President or were granted admission to fill in the class. Currently, the US News and World report have West Point ranked as the number one ranked public college in the country.  We were all there to become officers in the US Army with a five-year commitment to serve our country. In fact, our class motto was “Our Country We Strengthen”. 

Company A2 Class of 1987 30th Reunion
Photo by Vince McDermott

I grew up in a small town, with a small graduating class from a school where I continue to be the only graduate from that school to attend and graduate from a military academy. My self-esteem for the longest time was such that I did not understand how I was included with these outstanding group of people. So attending the 30th reunion was amazing. Catching up with this group of people and once again sharing our Rockbound Highland Home again was fantastic. My company mate echoed a sentiment that I heard more than once, even though many of my classmates were happy to see West Point in their rearview mirror, walking around West Point after being gone you realize how special a place it is. For me, the other thing that made it special was the people that I met, had classes with and lived with for those four years. It was for that reason that I asked two of my company mates to provide two of the three references I needed in my application to become a Humanist Celebrant. I loved my West Point years and am extremely proud of graduating from West Point which is one of the reasons I am trying to get my discharge upgraded. 

Old Cadet Chapel - West Point Cemetery

As part of my reunion, I parked next to the West Point Cemetery to walk around and was surprised to see that cemetery is completely full. The classes form this new century 2001 and 2002 have provided a new columbium where ashes can be interned. I found out that there are plans to expand the cemetery but I plan on being cremated and would love to be interned at West Point, but I know I would have to have an Honorable Discharge in order to be interned there. That is why it is important to me personally that my service to this country is recognized as honorable.